Sunday, November 20, 2016


I know I haven't posted in a long time, but a lot has been happening with family life, and I've been so busy with the marathon training. On the bright side, my running has paid off, and I am now back in my pre-pregnancy jeans (even if my hips are still an inch or two wider than they used to be). The baby boy has gotten really needy lately and stopped taking bottles, so it looked like I was going to have to take a hiatus from dance. But fortunately, I'm in a really easy-going adult class, and my teacher let me bring him with me. My husband would participate in the warm-up and ceili dancing, then he'd watch the baby while I did solo steps. If the little one got fussy and needed a snack, I'd take a break and tend to him. This went on for about a month or so. Here I was lamenting how relaxed my class was, and then I ended up being the high maintenance one needing special accommodations. My classmates and teacher even helped watch the baby so I could compete in a local feis. I guess it is just not the right timing of my life for me to be in a hard-core class.

The post's title has a second meaning, too. I keep getting timing comments for my dances. I feel like, as an adult prizewinner, I should be past timing errors. I know it is sometimes a matter of stamina issues, or I get off on my hornpipe because I haven't rebuilt my ab muscles enough for snappy clicks, but I don't know what is going on with my reel. I think that is what makes me the most depressed...I actually feel like I did my reel well, only to not place because of "timing." Have I really gotten that bad? There's a voice in my head that tells me I may never achieve my goal of dropping down and dancing in "and-over" prizewinner. Maybe I'm just too old. But then I think, maybe it is just the timing of my life. If I could drill steps at home without a child either being under foot, or crying because I put him in the playpen, maybe I would improve. I guess it is silly to expect better results when I am not putting the work in at home. Maybe I just need to take a break from feising until I can devote more time to dance. On the bright side, at least I got 3rd out of 6 in treble jig, and I have a pretty challenging second step. I will try to remind myself that is my best result all year and stay positive about improvements. It's hard to, though, when you see your dance goals slipping further and further away.

Some of the family stuff that happened while I was away from blogging made me realize just how lucky I am to have my family. I am so blessed to have my baby, even if it means I'm not the dancer I once was. While I remain truly grateful for my son, and I know I would give anything to protect him, I don't want to completely throw away personal goals now that I am a mommy. I feel like that might tempt me to put pressure on him to have success in areas where I failed. I don't want to just live vicariously through him. So I'm going to keep things in perspective, and tell myself it is just the timing of my life. Right now I get to enjoy being a mommy to a baby. He won't be a baby forever, and maybe then I can come back to my dance goals.

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